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“Aliens, the supernatural, clandestine Government conspiracies? Stuff and nonsense I say! These are the things of fairy stories and nancy legends!

I, Sir Professor Patrick Greatermass,  the man, the legend, the exponentially expanding waist measurement; refute all erroneous tosh, (and other 15th century Dutch painters)…”

Sir Patrick Greatermass 1955

Regular listeners to I Hear Voices Theatre Company will be well acquainted with the thrilling espionage exploits of Special Security Service Agent Bentley Strangetrousers, but what they will less au fait with is the terrifying double life led by the scientists of MI6 and ¾s’ Research and Development Department...

By day Professors Lessermass and Littlewoman are ordinary, unassuming boffins; providing cutting-edge gismos and gadgets to British Secret Agents in their unceasing fight against Cold War adversaries, but when duty calls our reluctant heroes have been seconded by the mysterious Miss Pencilskirt for a far stranger and infinitely more terrifying mission; the neutralization and investigation of Objectionable Foreign Unmentionables, or O.F.U.s.

No flying saucer is left unopened, no hovering teacup unprobed as they labour under the arrogant, gluttonous, lazy and self-aggrandizing command of the one and only Sir Professor Patrick Greatermass: MA, PHD, BA Baracus and Head of Her Majesty’s own light Royal Alien Dismemberment in the name of Science and for the Empire Brigade!

In their first bladder-decimating tale of slowly rampaging terror Professor Littlewoman’s investigations of a downed flying saucer result in the unleashing of a long dormant extra terrestrial vegetable horror. Will Marjory Littlewoman track down the kitchen garden menace before all human life is wiped out? What hideous transformation is consuming Hubert Lessermass? Will Professor Greatermass save the day before the total annihilation of all animal life on the planet, or will he merely decide to cook Italian? Find out in “The Greatermass Experiment”...